Stories - FD Thornton

I remember reading in one of Paul’s letters about having a “thorn in his side”. I seem to recall it being there to remind him he was only human. I’m sure one of my preacher family members will clarify that with me at some point. The point I wish to make is it seems each of us has some “thorn in our side” that reminds us, “hey, let’s not get too big for our breeches”.  Recently I was reminded of this with one of my kids. We were having a conversation about something and basically in my Daddy way, I was questioning their judgement. Needless to say the kid wasn’t very happy with my opinion. Now I’ll give it to that particular one, they said they did not appreciate my opinion. Now in the world I grew up in I usually listened to whatever my mom or dad doled out and did what I wanted. But to be honest I appreciated them reminding me they adults. So soon after our “discussion”, I apologized for being an ass.  Now I’m not saying this to say, my kids are the “thorn in my sid...

I’d like to say my life runs like a well-oiled machine. But in all honesty, a good bit of my day is spent running with my ass on fire. You’d think by now I’d matured enough to be a responsible adult. But I don’t think my problem have as much to do with my maturity issues as it does with everyone else’s. I’ll be the first one to tell you, I don’t handle pressure like I used to do. Ever since panic, anxiety, and depression walked through my door; I have to be real careful about how much pressure I put on myself.  Telling you this may not bode well with fact I call myself a consultant. But it does allow me to see myself and the situations around me with a more realistic eye. Even as I suffer with bouts of anxiety, I can usually pull things together and complete tasks rather successfully. I feel the key to my rate of success is due to my ability to breakdown large or complicated job tasks. I noticed early on in my career that breaking tasks up into manageable sections lends the ove...

For those of us that have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder you find yourself becoming hyper-sensitive to the things going on around you. I suppose in one way that just means you’re paying attention. But for those of us with PD it can mean sleepless nights, excessive amounts of worry, and prolonged bouts of confusion. Even at this moment I’m fighting through an attack of panic. I can often tell when one is happening because of my shallow breathing, pounding heart rate, and just plain ill feeling.  You’re maybe wondering why I’m choosing to write through this attack instead of just relaxing. I suppose my answer is, after putting up with this problem for so long I’d rather go down swinging than just cower in a corner. But while getting mad at the situation can help to motivate you. I’d also say that by recognizing when panic starts you can have the control by just allowing it to be.  One method of overcoming panic is by seeing it for what it is and just floating through t...

I won't to say I had a rough night, but I did wake up around 3 am and end up making some popcorn, drinking out of the milk carton, and watch mindless TV till around 4:30 before finally going back to sleep. This may have been due to the sleep study I went to the other night. If you’ve ever spent the night in the hospital you know what it’s like. They wire you up from head to toe, put you into a strange bed and tell you to go to sleep. Yeah. Needless to say I didn’t sleep much, but the study did conclude I have sleep apnea. (Which by the way, I’ve known for over ten years.) Anyway, at least I got the calibrations set for a new CPAP machine.  Other than that I've been trying to get off my lazy ass today and get some things done around the house. It seems that when I shutdown the whole house shuts down. So I made up my mind to at least chip at the mess around here a little till I got some things done. The thing I've noticed with the vicious cycle of Panic, Anxiety, and Depr...

Last night I went for my fourth sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea. You see, over a decade ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. And for a number of years was successfully treated with CPAP therapy (you know, the vacuum clearer thing your fat grandpa wears). Anywho, after several years without one I hope to get a new one soon.  While I'm sitting here I'm asking myself, why bring this fact up? I mean other than my immediate family, why should anyone care? I suppose I’m mentioning this to say that I honestly love life and I'm not ready to "shed my mortal coil", as it were. Now some of my more zealous friends and family may take this as the words of a coward. But hell in reality I'm only just being honest. You see, I got a new lease on like just last year. I'm a lot healthier than I've been in a while. I have a new grandbaby to make rotten and damnit I'm living past the age of 59. So I feel I got things left to do.  For those who are ready...

Time has a way of changing who we are. Rather we see it or not over the course of time we all change. I know that in many ways I’m not the person I was when I was younger. Things like death, life, health, and love change us in ways we can’t see clearly when measured from our own prospective of time. It’s kinda like how we don’t notice the changes in our own appearance over time. But when you find a picture of an old friend on Facebook and the first thing you think is, “damn they look old.” In its own subtle way that’s how time changes us.  Several years ago my health changed and so did my attitude toward family and friendship. I became much more isolated, preferring to spend my time either alone or in the company of a very close few. It’s sorta strange to me how I came to be this way, considering how openly friendly I can still be. But over the past year or so I’ve been gaining a whole new prospective about who I feel comfortable being. The sly reclusive that doesn’t have much...

You know I can be such an odd duck. For one my taste in music is very different that most anyone I know. Music has always been a very important part of my life. Rather through listening and even at one point from creating it, music has held me in its spell most of my life. It’s nothing for my wife to catch me lying on the bed with my earbuds in rocking out to Van Halen or Green Day or maybe Rage Against the Machine . Other times she may work in, like the other day, and catch me singing off-key with Kris or Willie or The Hag . I just don’t ever know what mood I might be into at any given moment.   Like must music fans I take my music very personally it something I feel deep in my soul. No matter the genre the music I enjoy feeds my soul; it can only be described as a spiritual thing if I have to describe it. Like I’ve heard some say, “it’s just something that gets into your bones.” Even with the more simplistic styles of music like rock or country it’s the lyrics and the ton...