Stories - FD Thornton

He got off the bus overwhelmed by what he saw. Buildings that shot through the clouds and city streets five layers deep. I took him a moment to get oriented to the new surroundings. After an hour my ride showed up and he headed to where he’d spend the next several weeks. To call it a church would be an understatement, to call it a mission would totally be inadequate. But here is where he would live and work for the next few months unlearning everything he had ever learned. He spent days exploring the city in a pick up and delivery truck. Pick up and deliver used furniture for the store that supported the mission. He worked in the kitchen washing dishes and helping prepare meals for members of the mission and guests. The name for the homeless and less fortunate that wondered in for food and help. It was literally a self-sustained city within a city. That provided services like laundry, food, medical services, and even elderly care. All tucked away in the middle of a city of millio...

My mind is full of useless shit today. It would help me to clear it, but often your intentions never meet your expectations. So I simply lay here, with whatever it is bothering me. It’s an age old problem one of which I don’t suffer alone. Between you and me, it’s been a while since this has happened. For the last several weeks I’ve pretty much slept through the night. So I lay here with this screen as my only companion, telling you stuff that should probably just keep to myself. It’s funny the things that can trouble us sometimes. I spent most of the evening trying to put my thoughts together. But there are days when turning on this Office 365 app is best left to the professionals. I often tell myself if you’d only keep your thoughts simpler and your message more on point. You would built yourself a much more popular following. I suppose it’s my self-destructive tendencies that keep me from doing that. For a really long time that’s exactly what I did, and you know what? Despite ...

Despite my docile appearance, I am a bit of an adventurer. Often dangling my toes over the edge to see where my thoughts take me. While this practice maybe scary to some, to me it allows me freedom from my own worst fears. I get a lot of likes and followers from those that subscribe a more mystical faith. But mine is a faith grounded in the promise of my own belief. A belief that I am the one that saves me. That I am the one that holds my fate in my own hands. I’m no more a believer in rocks changing my mood. Then I am now a believer in faith erasing my sins. Still the wonder of the human spirit, seeing beyond what we see with our eyes. That has a magical power all it’s own. I believe we think too lightly of ourselves and the potential within us. Or the change we can bring if we only try. Still I am but one man with one voice. Who’s seen far less of this world then most of my peers. Still I clang to a belief that I can go beyond what I see around me. Only because I’m content with...

I’ve grown so tried of trying to “find myself” or figure out “my calling”. After decades of searching under every rock for the truth. I’ve decided to just say “screw it” and simply live as happily as I can. Still I hear from a lot of people that worry to death about never finding their purpose. Afraid that at some point they’re going to wither up and die, before they accomplish anything. Jesus Christ, if had a nickel for every time I thought that, I would have accomplished one goa, being wealthy. Well guess what, I’m as broke as I ever was, and to a point I don’t really care. Despite my worst efforts, I’ve had a pretty decent life. None of our kids are in jail and me and my bride still get along. That makes me a Winner! Life is never easy to figure out, it has more twists and turns then a long country road. The thing is just live your life as best as you can. Focus on the moments and don’t too much slip your attention. And for God sakes, don’t walk around carrying so many regrets...

What lies upon the distant shore? It’s a question as old as time. Yet we find ourselves stuck in traffic surrounded by noise and for what? Another car payment, a pair of shoes we’ll never wear. The accumulation of things does not a life make. My bride and I don’t have much. Hell most of the furniture we sit on isn’t even ours. Yet we look to the important things. The love and respect of our children. The laughter and tears of our grandchildren to sustain us. It’s not easy being poor, but it gives you a greater appreciation for the things you do have. A comfortable bed, a belly full of food, a warm body to lay next too. After struggling for so long to keep my kids bellies full and a roof over their heads. I suppose I’m just tried. Tried of the envy and jealousy I felt towards those around me with so much. Yet when you scratch beneath the surface, they we’re just as empty and as poor as me. Happiness can be found in many ways. Yes, it can be found in work. But even then it’s the r...

I’m a bit of a complicated person. Never one to shy away from my own shortcomings, I tend to expose the parts of myself that most keep hidden. In public I’m a bit loud mouth and a bullshitter. But in the silence of my own space, I seem to relish exercising the demons that plague my mind. I suppose that comes from all the therapy I’ve been given. Because when you lose who you are, you’ll do anything to get it back. I used to obsess and pick apart myself. I was always jealous of my peers that seem to have it all together. Never showing a crack in the veneer they wore. It wasn’t until I went public with my own situation, that I discovered that a lot of people were struggling just like me. We all wear our faces so well. Choosing just the right filter to cover our flaws. For me it never was that easy. It’s a wonder my own self-hatred hasn’t killed me before now. While I can’t say I ever planned to take my own life. The feelings of simply wanting the pain to stop was always at the surf...

It seems that with every movement I take forward, there’s always a few steps I have to fall back. Without trying to sound too mellow dramatic, I have been getting back into my walking habit. But with each walk I can feel the pressure on my worn down hips and knees. And no sooner do I finish my stroll that I’m back home looking for an ice pack or heating pad. I have not been kind to myself, I’m fat, I smoked, and honestly I put my health on the back burner for a really long time. Now all that shit is finally catching up with me. I wish I could say most of this is reversible, but when I ask my doctor’s that question, they just give me that smile. That same smile the veterinarian gives when it’s time to put Old Fluffy down. My kids get really tired of hearing me talk about this, but I am trying to do better. But there are days when I get up and look at those pill bottles and just want to throw them in the trash. It’s not that I’m tired of living, it’s just that I’m tired. But don’t ...