Getting Back Up

I’m a bit of a complicated person. Never one to shy away from my own shortcomings, I tend to expose the parts of myself that most keep hidden. In public I’m a bit loud mouth and a bullshitter. But in the silence of my own space, I seem to relish exercising the demons that plague my mind. I suppose that comes from all the therapy I’ve been given. Because when you lose who you are, you’ll do anything to get it back.

I used to obsess and pick apart myself. I was always jealous of my peers that seem to have it all together. Never showing a crack in the veneer they wore. It wasn’t until I went public with my own situation, that I discovered that a lot of people were struggling just like me. We all wear our faces so well. Choosing just the right filter to cover our flaws.

For me it never was that easy. It’s a wonder my own self-hatred hasn’t killed me before now. While I can’t say I ever planned to take my own life. The feelings of simply wanting the pain to stop was always at the surface. I am not afraid to say I am a flawed individual. With so much damage I buried beneath the surface, it takes a village to keep it all together. But it is ultimately up to you and I to keep things together.

I enjoy being around people that are real. My dear Uncle Mack he taught me so much about simply being who I am. He never apologized for being a saint and a sinner. He had so much going against him his whole life. Yet his laugh and his wisdom were so deep. He taught me that nature was God's true Tabernacle. And that no matter what, you get back up and keep going. Yeah, life can be complicated and so totally unfair. But it doesn’t have to stop you from getting back up, licking our wounds, and surviving. 

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