Walk Around The Block

It seems that with every movement I take forward, there’s always a few steps I have to fall back. Without trying to sound too mellow dramatic, I have been getting back into my walking habit. But with each walk I can feel the pressure on my worn down hips and knees. And no sooner do I finish my stroll that I’m back home looking for an ice pack or heating pad.

I have not been kind to myself, I’m fat, I smoked, and honestly I put my health on the back burner for a really long time. Now all that shit is finally catching up with me. I wish I could say most of this is reversible, but when I ask my doctor’s that question, they just give me that smile. That same smile the veterinarian gives when it’s time to put Old Fluffy down.

My kids get really tired of hearing me talk about this, but I am trying to do better. But there are days when I get up and look at those pill bottles and just want to throw them in the trash. It’s not that I’m tired of living, it’s just that I’m tired. But don’t worry, I’ll get back up in the morning. Take my damn pills, have some breakfast, and tell another story. Then I’ll go back around the block, taking deep breaths and be grateful for another day.

We all want to live productive, meaningful lives. We all want to believe our lives can have meaning. Time seems so endless when we were younger. I know I said I wasn’t going to be too mellow dramatic, but in order to live well you have to start living. Don’t lose sight of the important things, like love, companionship, and joy. Without those things life can be a chore. A chore not much different than this walk around the block. Ugh!

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