What I Know About Fear
I remember many years ago I DJ'd a local AM radio program from 10 pm to after midnight. This was on a station that after 10 pm reduced it's broadcast power by half, which meant my limited audience was even more limited. I basically kept the equipment warmed up for the morning DJ that came in around 5 am.
Still word of mouth about our little program grew to the point that we had a live studio audience. Mainly because I let them in from out of the cold when they started hanging out outside the studio. So for a number of months we would bring in our eclectic little collection of music and poetry to the studio and basically have our own version of the Dead Poet's Society. (For those of you that are younger, please Google.)
Things were going pretty good with the program and I admit, I was having fun. Until one night the request line lite up and I received a call that changed everything for me. Without dragging out too many details or names, the call was a criticism of what was going on the air. While the person on the other end of the call may have been critical with no malice intended, I remained silent the rest of the broadcast, allowing my partner to finish it up that night and for the remaining months the show ran.
When you put yourself out in the public eye, even with something as small as this blog. You are opening yourself up to attack by those who for whatever reason attack. I'm sure many of you out there may say, that I am being a bit "thin-skinned" in my response to the criticism and that is true. But in my defense, when you grow up in an environment where verbal abuse is the norm from at home and school. You either development a thick-skin or some really poor self-esteem issues you carry your whole life.
In my recent readings of Thich Nhat Hanh's work, I'm learning that for one, being in the moment helps you focus and overcome past or future fears . Also you begin to understand that, within each of us there is a child that needs to be loved, out ridiculed. These among many other truths are helping me to overcome many years of afflicted upon abuse.
I guess my point for writing this is to bring up the message that despite what the inner voices may say. With the right understanding of who and where those voices are coming from, we can begin to discern if those voices are constructive or destructive to our well being. This is a lesson which I am learning even today.
I truly believe within each of us is a potential, and while this may sound like a tried self-help tape. I have nothing to sell other than what I live through at this moment. So my advice is this, if you feel a dis-satisfaction within yourself, maybe it's time for a bit of soul searching. Despite whatever beliefs you may hold, seek out why you feel this way. The truth may be easy to see such as mine or it may require a deeper journey. Either way don't let fear rule the day.
Still word of mouth about our little program grew to the point that we had a live studio audience. Mainly because I let them in from out of the cold when they started hanging out outside the studio. So for a number of months we would bring in our eclectic little collection of music and poetry to the studio and basically have our own version of the Dead Poet's Society. (For those of you that are younger, please Google.)
Things were going pretty good with the program and I admit, I was having fun. Until one night the request line lite up and I received a call that changed everything for me. Without dragging out too many details or names, the call was a criticism of what was going on the air. While the person on the other end of the call may have been critical with no malice intended, I remained silent the rest of the broadcast, allowing my partner to finish it up that night and for the remaining months the show ran.
When you put yourself out in the public eye, even with something as small as this blog. You are opening yourself up to attack by those who for whatever reason attack. I'm sure many of you out there may say, that I am being a bit "thin-skinned" in my response to the criticism and that is true. But in my defense, when you grow up in an environment where verbal abuse is the norm from at home and school. You either development a thick-skin or some really poor self-esteem issues you carry your whole life.
In my recent readings of Thich Nhat Hanh's work, I'm learning that for one, being in the moment helps you focus and overcome past or future fears . Also you begin to understand that, within each of us there is a child that needs to be loved, out ridiculed. These among many other truths are helping me to overcome many years of afflicted upon abuse.
I guess my point for writing this is to bring up the message that despite what the inner voices may say. With the right understanding of who and where those voices are coming from, we can begin to discern if those voices are constructive or destructive to our well being. This is a lesson which I am learning even today.
I truly believe within each of us is a potential, and while this may sound like a tried self-help tape. I have nothing to sell other than what I live through at this moment. So my advice is this, if you feel a dis-satisfaction within yourself, maybe it's time for a bit of soul searching. Despite whatever beliefs you may hold, seek out why you feel this way. The truth may be easy to see such as mine or it may require a deeper journey. Either way don't let fear rule the day.
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