What You Say To Yourself
This morning I was going through my emails when I came upon a couple from people who follow my about.me page. The messages they sent were little notes about enjoying my page and what I say. While notes like this are nice to get from the great variety of individuals that have sent one, the thing that stood out as the first reaction that came out of my mouth which was, "I don't know why these people are so impressed?"
Don't look at this post as a sly way to point at myself, this is an honest question about the balance between poor self image and good self image. As mentioned in previous post, I have a real problem with self image. So much so that it has lead me down some dark paths of self abuse, as well as, a total feeling of dissatisfaction with who I am. It is these factors that have led me, despite some victories, to believe my whole world has been a total failure.
So hearing those words so easily come out of my mouth, really threw me back a step or two. For one thing it made me realise is despite all the cheers you may hear. For some of us all we hear are the boo's, even if they're only coming from inside ourselves. Good self image can be a tricky thing. For one when you are hammered with verbal abuse from peers and indifference from home, you tend to carry that to the grave. It takes some real transforming energy to break that mental cycle, that a thousand self help books can never provide. Believe me, I got 500 of them.
For myself, being able to find people to be honest with has been a godsend. From the therapist I work with, to my doctor who actually listens, to friends whom I can trust, to my family that only recently I have told my problem. Each layer of support has worked to bring me to the point I am at now. Still with all that, the most important person to get to help you out is the hardest to convince, yourself.
A million self help tapes, a billion friends that truly love you, are mute until you convince you that you're worth the trouble. Much like an alcoholic or drug addict realising they have a problem. Until you convince yourself you are worth it, nothing works completely.
So here is where I stand. Writing this is never gonna convince a potential client or employer that I'm worth the trouble to hire, but that's okay. That potential client or employer may need to hear my honesty for themselves then just some B.S. about my qualifications.
As you read this, it's my hope is that my words of truth may help you. God knows, I'm not the Shell Answer Man for low self esteem but, what I'm is a survivor of mental abuse. So maybe one person out there can use my experience and begin to really listen to what you say to yourself.
Don't look at this post as a sly way to point at myself, this is an honest question about the balance between poor self image and good self image. As mentioned in previous post, I have a real problem with self image. So much so that it has lead me down some dark paths of self abuse, as well as, a total feeling of dissatisfaction with who I am. It is these factors that have led me, despite some victories, to believe my whole world has been a total failure.
So hearing those words so easily come out of my mouth, really threw me back a step or two. For one thing it made me realise is despite all the cheers you may hear. For some of us all we hear are the boo's, even if they're only coming from inside ourselves. Good self image can be a tricky thing. For one when you are hammered with verbal abuse from peers and indifference from home, you tend to carry that to the grave. It takes some real transforming energy to break that mental cycle, that a thousand self help books can never provide. Believe me, I got 500 of them.
For myself, being able to find people to be honest with has been a godsend. From the therapist I work with, to my doctor who actually listens, to friends whom I can trust, to my family that only recently I have told my problem. Each layer of support has worked to bring me to the point I am at now. Still with all that, the most important person to get to help you out is the hardest to convince, yourself.
A million self help tapes, a billion friends that truly love you, are mute until you convince you that you're worth the trouble. Much like an alcoholic or drug addict realising they have a problem. Until you convince yourself you are worth it, nothing works completely.
So here is where I stand. Writing this is never gonna convince a potential client or employer that I'm worth the trouble to hire, but that's okay. That potential client or employer may need to hear my honesty for themselves then just some B.S. about my qualifications.
As you read this, it's my hope is that my words of truth may help you. God knows, I'm not the Shell Answer Man for low self esteem but, what I'm is a survivor of mental abuse. So maybe one person out there can use my experience and begin to really listen to what you say to yourself.
Comments
Post a Comment