Intentions


Today I go to the doctor for my three-month-follow-up. Something I seem to do with quite a bit of regularity since my first heart attack. The thing is I also suffer with panic, depression, and anxiety. Things that were major contributors to my heart problems. Along with chain-smoking a pipe and my obvious obesity.

But despite my lifestyle changes, the damage is done. So I live with the specter of congestive heart failure, which doesn't help much for my continuing panic and anxiety. If I sound a bit trivial about the whole thing, it's because I am. After 20 years of living with something always going on, I suppose I'm a bit "tried" of it all. Not to the point that I've given up, just "tried" of being sick.

Today I'm going into the doctor's office feeling a bit underwhelmed in a way. This past week has not been the best. My stomach has been acting up, my sinuses are on fire, and to top it all off I've had tightness in my chest. Uh-oh! That certainly set off alarm bells for my little, young physician. For me, it’s more of an annoyance. 

Why am I telling you all this, who knows? Other than to say, at a certain point you must appreciate the days as they come and stop worrying about the past or the future. For so long I lived for tomorrow a lot more than I lived for today. But I'm learning that the actions I take today are far more important than the intentions I have for tomorrow. Stop wasting time chasing ghost, live in the moment and nowhere else.

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