Release

I often seem to enjoy writing about the tragedies in my life. The reason I seem to focus on that is because for so long, my mind focused on the negative instead of the good. So my way of purging myself of that negative energy is to release it in my words. Often I see friends and acquaintances who do nothing but bottle up the negative energy that surrounds them. They may think that by suppressing that energy they are overcoming it. The sad reality is instead of overcoming it, they are simply building a better time bomb, that will eventually go off.

Oh believe me I know. For years I did nothing but press down feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. To the point that for decades it did nothing but undermine every positive thing I ever tried. The thing I discovered was that in order to move forward, I had to learn to live in the here and now. My wife for whatever shortcomings the world may see in her. She lives in a perpetual state of being in the moment. It allows her to have a keen for sense of the moment. Even after a difficult day, she has the ability to sleep without a hint of worry. And I should know I’ve watched her sleep peacefully for 30+ years, while I worry and threat.

The thing is learn to live in the here and now. Focus your energy on the moment. When seeds of doubt and inadequacy rear their ugly heads, listen and let them go. You can use mindfulness, you can use prayer; the point is listen, love, and let go. Trying to conjure up positive thoughts is fine for a while. But in my experience, not addressing the elephant in the room (self-hatred and fear). You are doing nothing but putting a band-aid on a grapping wound. Listen to yourself and let go. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fail-Safe

Image
Through the paper-thin walls of this old house, I can hear my neighbors getting ready for another day. Laying here remember when I used to do that, working at night so I could take care of the kids, while my wife went to work. Yesterday sorta marked a tipping point for me I suppose. I finally got my consultation with the gastroenterologist. So we are working the set-up some tests my primary care physician has been wanting for me to have for months. While I would love nothing more than to tell my PCP, “I told you so”. But I suppose knowing is better than not knowing. Although I do find some comfort in ignorant bliss.  I get the impression some people feel I am an optimist. But I like to think of myself more as a realist. What some may mistake as optimism is actually nothing more than analytics. Where I breakdown a given situation and create a solution. That may sound cold and frankly less romantic. But you must understand, after living so long in a void of no emotion (due to
Read more

Moments You've Lived

Image
It’s 5:15 in the afternoon and my stupid ass is back outside. I just checked the phone and it’s a balmy 90° with a feel like temperature of 99°f. I figured since I was hot in the room with the AC on, I might as well come outside and do same thing. Earlier I read a funny meme from my sibling on Facebook that read, “Can someone send me a hug?” copy and share. Rather sarcastically I replied, “We are not huggers , didn’t we grow up in the same house?” Probably no truer words have ever been spoken about our lives as kids. Oh, we weren’t beaten or overly abused, we were just not raised all “touchy feely”. Not surprisingly most kids of our generation weren’t raised that way either. We were provided for in our working class suburban homes. It’s just that a lot of time wasn’t devoted to things like feelings and emotions. You were expected to tough it out and swallow those tears. I guess one place where we could let our emotions go was church. Raised during the infancy of the “Pentecostal Moveme
Read more

Blowing Breeze

Image
It’s later in the afternoon so I decided to take advantage of the lighter humidity and come back outside. There’s a lite breeze blowing so while the gnats are still out, at least they’re having to put in some extra effort to lite on me. You can still smell where the grass got cut this morning, but sadly the faint scent of BBQ from the restaurant down the street is gone.  The poor old sycamore tree leaves look a bit sad. Hanging like they’re on their last leg from the limbs. There’s no point in bringing up the fig bush/tree, it’s all but shed most of its leaves. It’s hard to believe that just a few months ago both plants were vibrant and green, with a bountiful crop of figs. But the birds have mostly abandon their nest in the fig branches. With the kids grown and the shade and food supply dried up, I can’t say I blame them.  But I’m the human here, I’m adaptable with opposable thumbs. I can’t move on as easily as the birds. My so-called cognitive reasoning insist I stick aro
Read more