Deep Enough

St. Andrews Beach - Jekyll Island

This morning my wife and I went to town to run a few errands. It's nice to know I'm able to do that now, because not so many years ago I couldn't. When panic disorder first hit me and kept coming back with repeated attacks, I was crippled by it. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn’t leave the house, I lost my job; I basically cease to function.

The biggest problem my wife and I faced was having no back-up plan. We lived 130 miles away from our families. We had four small children and my wife is disabled and not able to go out on her own. In those darkness hours it was by shear will that I was able to function just to go shopping and pay bills. Those are days I don't enjoy looking back on. But they are days in which me and my family lived. While I am thankful for the doctors and the medication that helped me. In all honesty it was the loving eyes of my wife and children that drove me to get better.

When facing a life changing diagnosis like mental illness, it's nice to know I was able to dig deep within yourself for strength. Because without the love and support of my family, I would still be under those covers or worse. But the sad thing is so many out there either don’t have or can feel that support. In there moment of ultimate pain, there are no cries for Daddy, no tender touch, or no one to reach out too.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I ever came close to ending my own life. But I do know there were days I wished the pain and fear would stop. Thankfully, I sought treatment and got the help I needed. Can I say my life now perfect? Far from it. But I’m a lot closer than I have ever been. When you face what looks like an insurmountable situation, dig deep within yourself and ask, what can I do? I believe if you look hard enough you’ll find a solution. You just gotta dig deep enough.

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