From Myself


Since many enjoy reading about my pain and suffering, today I woke up with a blinding sinus headache and good dose of the “whoa is me’s”. The headache I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain, but the “whoa is me’s” is just a good case of feeling sorry for myself. I’m sure everyone goes through it and I’m pretty damn sure we each got our own way of dealing with it. You either cry in your coffee or get mad and act like me, and turn into a cynical asshole. 

So for my own protection and that of others in my life, I’ve barricaded myself in this room. Hoping that at some point my headache will clear or my attitude towards the world will subside. Right now all my chips are riding on the headache. Self-deprecation is a defensive weapon I use well. Self-forgiveness is a new tactic I still have difficulty managing. Asking forgiveness of others is an even harder task to master. 

From a world where relentless bullying was the norm. It’s still very difficult for me to sympathize with those from a different background. My initial response would be to let them deal with it. But I am trying to be sympathetic, although every fiber of my being is telling me not too. All I know is that I need more work. So as my headache rages on, I am simply not equipped at the moment to deal with certain situations. I need time. A luxury that has seldom been afforded to me, especially from myself. 

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