Keep On Walking



You know a lot of shit can happen in just two days. First off late Thursday afternoon, I received a call from the medical supply store telling me my CPAP machine was ready to go. So I had my daughter drive me the 40 miles trip to pick it up. (Told you I live in the boonies.) Anyway, been using it since then and getting used to using one again. So that's the good news.  

Well Saturday morning I decided I felt good enough to take my morning walk. By the time I got back home I was out of breathe, my fingers on my left hand were numb and my face was numb. Needless to say, I panicked. Long story short, I ended up at the ER had test run, most everything important came up negative. So thankfully, I'm sitting here at home talking to you. The doctor believes it's that pinched nerve I had problems with a few years back. So I'm on bed rest till I see my doctor this week.

Here's the thing about stress, for me at least when symptoms can't be easily explained away, it sends me into a panic. Stress, anxiety, and panic will usually bump-up the symptoms you feel to the tenth degree. “But just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they ain’t out to get you”. So going to the ER was inconvenient and expensive (American Healthcare). But once the testing was done I calmed down and had a peaceful night. (Numb lips and all.) Maybe I should just put together my own lab and cut out the middle man? 

So here I am a 17 year sufferer of panic and anxiety. But still no matter what I've been through, I still have moments of doubt and fear. You know what, that's okay; because each and every time I have a false alarm I learn a little more about who I am and what I’m dealing with. Panic is one of those things I can't take for granted or slack-up on fighting.

Who knows why any of us were picked to carry the bag of crap we do. Life never said it was fair or full of storybook endings. The point is we each have our own “burden to bear” and it’s up to us to figure out how we are going to carry it. So we can either drag it along the ground letting it weigh us down or adjust the load on our backs and keep on walking.

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