Crutches

In my life, I often find myself depending on crutches. For me the crutches are like little insurance policies that tell my mind “I am okay”. As many of you know I suffer from Panic Disorder. One of the symptoms that can flare up from this is my fight-or-flight response is totally out of whack. In short a minor thing like a car passing me on the road or a crowd at a store, can cause me to go into a panic. Sounds fun right?

Anyway, the crutches that I depend on have ranged from isolating myself from crowds to my chronic need to know my vital signs. It seems my fears know no end, but by sheer will or just plain luck, I’ve succeeded at accomplishing many of my life’s goals. But other than patting myself on the back, my goal here today is talk about crutches. That while they can be helpful, if depended on too long they can actually hinder our success.

My reason for saying this comes from my own experience. I have noticed that over time, even as situations improved, my dependency on the crutches ended up holding me back. Recently after a health scare with my heart (which panic and anxiety contributed greatly to), I was fitted with a portable defibrillator. The defibrillators’ job was as a precautionary measure in case my heart gave me trouble during my recovery. Needless to say, when it was discovered I had a heart issue. I had a “Jesus moment” and cleaned up a pile of my “bad habits”. So over the last few months my heart is doing better, meaning the defibrillator is no longer needed.

Here’s the trick, once a date was set to send my old companion back to Pennsylvania. Those old irrational fears about whatever has come back. Although, I have assurances from my doctors and the results from their tests, that doesn’t stop the fear. Now in my situation these are the things I have to deal with and seek help. In your life are there things you clang to for a crutch? Things that may have helped you at first but over time have become just another enabler for a deeper problem?

In order for me to overcome the problems in my own life, I had to realize I am my own best asset. I have to develop the talents within me to be the best I can. But when I patchwork those efforts with this crutch or the next, I am only giving myself momentary victories. Victories that once they outlive their usefulness leave me standing with the same damn problem I started out with. So suppose the moral to this story is, crutches are here to help us when we need them, but not to support us forever.