A Better You & Me

Hello. The last few days it's been bitterly cold (at least for me) so I've basically been under the covers all day. I haven’t been able to warm up. The one nice thing about being cold is it puts my panic disorder into a little prospective. By that I mean I'm spending a lot of my time making sure I'm warm along with the rest of the crew. I know it sounds weird (crazy might be a better word) but hey that's me.


One of my problems with panic disorder is that it focuses all my attention within myself. Every little pain, out of place twinge, or whatever can turn into a major health incident. One of the things that have brought me through this has been focusing on those around me and taking care of them. But lately though, as the family grows up and become adults, it puts the focus back on me which can mean, well you know.

It's frustrating and maddening to believe in your heart that things could be better. Yet the roadblocks your panic/anxiety put in front of you make what would be a simple journey, a very long rocky road. I often wonder how these two worlds can live within one person. A world where you know your abilities can help you to succeed. But at the same time the voices of doubt, self-hatred, and fear haunt every step you take. I am pretty sure am not alone in feeling this way.

So what do you do? For me it's remembering that I am worthy for the success I have worked for. That it wasn't just dumb luck that brought me the success I have. It was the hard work and sweat I put in to get where I am. It is these things I have to remind myself of each and every day in order to get out of bed and make every step. But sometimes the world around us sends confusing messages. These messages tell us that success only comes from outside yourselves. That the only true success you'll ever have has to come from beyond your own strength.

You have to look at the situation around you and realize that it is only you that can change your situation. I suppose I could sit here and write out a formula for the success I’ve had so far, but the journey isn’t that simple or easy. Each of us has to make up our mind to take the steps to better our own situation, remembering that my way may not be your way. It's the simply the act of taking one step at a time that creates a better future for yourself. And that my success isn’t necessarily your success, that’s a measurement only you can make. 

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