Slow Leaking Tire


In case some of you don’t know for a long time I was a closed book. In my younger years many that knew me would say I was a good listener and a bit of a jokester that could make you laugh. As I got older my circle of friends closed in and I became a bit more cautious with the things I let out. But during the past 20 years that circle has tightened ever more, mostly due to my Panic Disorder. To the point that even the humor and joy I had was escaping like air from a slow leaking tire.


Oh for the most part I was able to function, I worked and I went to family functions. But beyond that I really felt like a zombie just moaning and walking slowly through my days. But deep in my soul there was still a small flicker of light. A light that told me there is more than just this dead man walking I was doing. It was that light that led and drove me through school. It was that light that taught me little lessons every day. That led me by my own examples that I was more than just the zombie I become.


At this moment I feel more like myself than I have in decades. While physically I aged a bit, deep inside that small nearly dead flame has grown to become a giant bonfire. It wasn’t an overnight event that brought me back. It has been a series of small events that together have led me home. But to get to this point you have to recognize that something has blown you off course. In my situation it was a series of major events that led me to see that something wasn’t right. For you it may have been a much smaller series of events that set you adrift.


The thing is you have to depend on your heart and soul to tell you something isn’t quite right. Once you recognize the situation it’s up to you to figure out what to do to straighten things out. If you’re anything like me, you’re going to make a shit load of wrong turns and backing out of a lot of dead end roads. But that okay, it’s all part of the journey. Because even now I still run into dead ends and that leaking tire still has to be re-inflated.

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