Worthless

By my own hand or through the abuses committed by others, I isolated myself within walls of solitude. These walls created stone by stone by the shaming and taunts thrown at me by those who were just “having fun.” For the majority of my life even to this day, I am influenced by those who laughed and teased that young child.

One of the things I’ve learned to do is love myself. Not in some narcissistic way, but in a way that allows you to embrace the child within. But along with loving me I have to forgive those other children who hurt me. Still with release of those painful feelings comes the task of allowing myself to trust and share.

Success is a hollow victory if you don’t share it. One of the problems created by abuse is the mistrust it creates of others, as well as, ourselves. The embracing of my inner child has meant learning to trust others and to trust myself. The walls of isolation we create may work for a while to bury the pain and fear. But at the same time they can blind us to our potential.

If you tell a child they’re stupid enough, the child tends to either believe you, not hang around, or both. Even if it appears that they ignored you the damage has been done. And the person they are inside begins believing they are stupid and not good enough. But once awaken from this nightmare; it still takes time and encouragement to rebuild the damaged self.

I by no means am an expert in rebuilding confidence. I still struggle convincing myself that I am worthy of the things I’ve done. I still struggle putting myself out there to write my stories and tell my truth. Still the thing that drives me, the thing that pushes me to share my pain, is that I don’t want to see another person fail because they were too were told they were worthless.